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Post by ANNABEL CLARISSE MURPHY on Feb 21, 2010 14:35:02 GMT -5
ANNABEL CLARISSE MURPHY'S GOT A JOURNAL YOU SAY ?! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/color] did. mmkay? <3[/color][/size][/center] |
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Post by ANNABEL CLARISSE MURPHY on Feb 21, 2010 14:56:18 GMT -5
TWENTY-FIRST OF FEBRUARY;
first off - being secretive sucks.
having secrets, living secrets? yeah, not my thing. I swear, I'm going crazy.
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well. I was going to create a blog or something, but then i remembered, i can't tell anyone that I know my secrets... so how in the hell am i supposed to be able to tell random people on the internet? yeah, not my thing, at all. so here I am. writing to myself. Will anyone ever read this? I sure as hell hope not, because all of my dirty little secrets will be right here, in these pages. my real thoughts.
it's safe to say, this will be interesting.
I could probably make it into a book later.
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i'm just going to start out at the fam, huh? sounds like a good place to start. honestly, I guess there isn't really too much there. I haven't talked to the mother in... two months? father, longer then that.
...
actually, i've gotta get going - real life awaits. I'll have to finish this up later.
[/font][/size][/blockquote] -ANNA[/blockquote] |
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Post by ANNABEL CLARISSE MURPHY on Feb 23, 2010 16:45:03 GMT -5
TWENTY-THIRD OF FEBRUARY;
this is what happens. i tell myself i'll get back to something,
and i never do. it's called procrastination, and sadly? i've got a serious problem with it. but, people do say that perfectionists are procrastinators. therefore, i guess i'm perfect, right? right.
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back to the subject of my feelings and shit. i'm using this instead of therapy. if i can't fix myself and decipher my feelings, who the hell can? no one, thats who. i'd be shit outta luck if i didn't even try this. well, actually, i probably wouldn't be, considering i'm not like.. mental or anything. or i sure hope not, cause that would be a huge downer.
Damn, i'm screwed if anyone ever reads this. this is.. cold. straight forward. sure, i'm a straight forward person, and yeah, i can be a bitch, but half the shit in here is no holding back. just me and this paper and the pen in my hands. i actually like this, i think. hopefully it will keep me sane.
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back onto the parents. they've told me the story. i was almost aborted. what kind of parents tell their kids that? and then go on and tell them that they had every want to, and were just a day away, then decide they don't want to go through with it? and the only reason that they didn't was because of their SOCIAL STANDING? seriously? thats enough to scar a kid. that could kill a kid. it fucks with your head, trust me. i know better then anyone else. at least i've learned to get past it, huh? or i'd be some seriously fucked up bitch. thank god for me being me then, i guess.
the parentals stayed the fuck away from me, thankfully. i never really see them, and when i do, its just for public displays. and thats not cool. i swear, they just see me as this asset, or some accessory, or something. something to pretty up and set in the corner for all to admire. some girls would say they would love it, being admired like that, but no. if thats all the admiration you've ever gotten - admiration for your beauty and body? yeah, its not a good time. its just... great. heavy on the sarcasm there. but for whatever reason - i love modeling. even after a childhood like that. what the hell? maybe i am more fucked up then even i thought i was.
i could go into so many subjects off of that... so so so many. like the rape. and abortion. and party days. and the ex. there's just... so many reasons. i really do wonder how in the hell i'm still functioning, still smiling and being happy. i guess thats something that living a secret brings you.. right?
[/font][/sub][/blockquote] -ANNA[/blockquote] |
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